Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 0:10:21 GMT -5
Dark Lilith's stomach felt sick as she approached her old neighborhood. She still wasn't comfortable here. She was almost there. Just one more block. She had opted for a back entrance. She hoped her tip to the police had proved useful. With any luck if the brothers had been waiting for her they had already been forced to leave.
She sighed. Admitting she was coming here had been really stupid after all. She never thought that Dominic would come to look for her in the public library of all places but he had. She saw him soon enough and knew the library well enough that she was able to lose him but she dropped the notebook with her schemes along the way. Oh well. It had been written in ancient Greek for a reason. She seriously doubted that Dominic had found anyone who could translate it in such a short period of time. But the longer she dawdled the greater likelihood he would find such a person.
A loaded pistol was firmly clenched in her hand, safety off. Securing one hadn't proven easy but she had managed. A backpack filled was goodies rested against her shoulder.
She slowly approached her old home, being as sneaky as possible in case anyone was loitering there.
She rounded the final corner and saw a stupid flashlight. FUCK! On closer examination she saw that the one holding the flashlight was none other than Dominic. She was going to slip away and contemplate her next move when the beam landed on her. And double fuck.
Well if the light was going to shine on something...She held up the pistol, making sure it was clearly visible. "Remember a phone call conversation we had sometime back?" she asked with good humor.
"I changed the script a little bit. We're outside my house instead of yours and I have a gun instead of a knife. You said my old plan would probably work but what about the new one? Feel like talking?" she questioned, casually waving her gun around.
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 2:22:27 GMT -5
Dominic was on edge as he scanned the surrounding areas for Lilith. From what he could tell with what little bit of the journal he'd managed to get translated, she was up to no good and she would be striking soon. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, thinking of what had happened hear almost a year ago and turned his flashlight at the sound of a noise.
At the sight of the pistol he nearly dropped the flashlight. He managed to keep a hold of it but he raised his hands up to eye level. Dom could feel his heart thudding in his chest and the color drained out of his face. "Come on, you wouldn't really shoot me would you?" He swallowed hard and took a step back away from her. With the way she had been talking a few days prior he could not be certain that she wouldn't pull the trigger.
"What do you want to talk about?" He kept his hands up as he took another step, putting himself directly between her and the house so that she would have to go through him to get to her parents. It made him sick to his stomach to think that he was protecting them but his concern was for Lilith. If she went in there her life was over.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 2:49:37 GMT -5
Lilith looked crestfallen when he asked if she would actually shoot. Was he calling her bluff? Did he know she wouldn't?! Would he really keep her from doing the only thing she could possibly do to make everyone safe?!
"Of course I don't want to shoot you!" She would have shouted if she wasn't desperately trying to avoid attention. Shawn might be hidden somewhere and she didn't want her parents to find her until she was ready. "But I also want to see my beloved parents. Don't stop me and everything's fine."
"And I was just joking. I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to them," she said firmly, pointing to her parents' house.
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 2:58:42 GMT -5
He shook his head and kept himself planted firmly between her and the house. "I'm sorry but I'm not going to let you throw your life away like this. If you go in there the best you can hope for is prison or a psychiatric hospital for a very, very long time. I can't let you do that." Dominic began to slowly close the distance between the two of them.
He glanced around quickly to see if either of the others were close by but he couldn't see either of them and there was no way that he would risk yelling and bringing attention to himself. "Please, just put the gun down and come home with us We'll get you on a plane back home and we can forget that any of this happened." He continued inching closer as he spoke, keeping a close eye on her and the gun.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 3:05:48 GMT -5
Dark Lilith had the appearance of a cornered mouse as Dominic inched closer. She couldn't shoot him but she had to see her parents!
"I..I can also hope for death," she said nervously, stalling for time. "My father is pretty handy with a gun and quite the fighter. They could get me before I get them." And he was still moving closer.
"Stop!" she whispered frantically, raising the gun and aiming it at him. "I'll...I'll shoot!" she said dryly.
"And I'm not going back. I'd rather stay in a foster home here. I don't want to be a burden to Andreas anymore," she said, fixing her position on the pistol. "This has nothing to do with you. Go visit your sister and Raye."
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 3:13:57 GMT -5
"Death? And throw away everything that we've done for you, everything that has been sacrificed, everything that has been given?! You want to throw that away for what? A chance that you might get a shot off before they take you out?" The mixture of frustration and fear was clear on his face as he continued to inch closer.
He shook his head and kept his hands up. "I don't think you'll shoot. If you want to be in a foster home we can arrange for that, we can find a family who would love to take you in and get you everything you need. But this isn't the way to do it." As he got close enough he slowly reached a hand out for the gun. "I'm leaving in a few hours to go see them. But first I need you to come with me."
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 3:19:36 GMT -5
"I don't want to throw it away! I don't want to die but..." She didn't think she could begin to explain how necessary it was to make them suffer. "They...I want to kill them! I have to destroy them so they can't ever destroy anyone else, so they can't hurt me anymore. I'll still be damaged but...They..." She looked at Dominic helplessly, hoping he would understand.
Dark Lilith jumped back as he got close enough to take the gun, being careful to keep the pistol trained on Dominic. "No! I'm not coming! Just leave me alone! You never told me any of your business! I figured out everything on my own or from other people! How is it fair that you try to pry into my life and control me?!"
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 3:31:13 GMT -5
"This won't make the pain go away. Revenge will do nothing but create more pain. Sure you'll feel better for a while but it will not make you feel better." As she jumped back he took a large step forward and grabbed for the gun.
Although he nearly missed it he managed to wrap his hand loosely around the barrel. "Violence isn't the way to solve the problem and you came to us, remember? You're the one who continually sought us out for advice and counsel. You came into our lives, we didn't come into yours. You gave us your information of your own free will. And you looked into our information before we even knew you." Dominic leaned forward and tightened his grip on the barrel of the gun.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 3:36:43 GMT -5
"It can't hurt worse than this!" she insisted.
She panicked when he grabbed the gun and nearly pulled the trigger but she stopped herself just in time. Her heart was beating so fast. She could seriously hurt Dominic if they weren't careful!
"I'm not looking for advice and counsel! I'm asking you to leave! And I was just stupid when I came to you for help. I thought we could be friends but you two treat me the same as anyone else. You feel nothing for me accept pity and sympathy! No matter how hard I try I'll never be able to get you to open up to me!"
"And if you don't let go I'm going to shoot your hand!" she lied, praying he would believe her.
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 3:53:47 GMT -5
"Lilith, I don't pity you. Pity is a stupid emotion that never gets anything accomplished and in case you didn't notice, I don't open up to anybody. I'm sorry if that upsets you but that's just how it is. It's a problem that I have to deal with" He kept his eyes locked on hers as he spoke and she would be able to see that he truly believed what he was saying. Dominic was not acting, not lying, he was exposing himself for who he truly was.
With his eyes locked on hers and his flashlight pointed up toward the sky he did not see the tree branch until he tripped and fell down to one knee. He yanked the gun downward as he fell but his hand slipped off as he threw it the rest of the way down to catch himself. Dom looked up at her from his kneel. "You will have to go through me if you want to get to them. I do this for the sake of your future, not for them."
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 4:07:08 GMT -5
Dominic didn't pity her like she always believed? Could that really be true?! And did that mean Shawn didn't pity her either?!
A problem he needed to deal with? "I have lots of problems but everyone keeps insisting that I don't have to sort them out by myself. I'm trying to admit I have problems! At least you finally admitted it but can you please stop being so pig headed?!
You've done so much for me. Is it so ridiculous to think that I can help you sort out your problems? Or do you find me incapable because I'm so...mentally disturbed? Because I am damaged am I forever barred from helping others?" The last two lines were said almost tearfully.
"Dominic!" she could not help but cry out as he buckled under the pressure of the tree branch.
She nearly went to his side to ascertain that he was alright. However, she didn't entirely forget her situation. She needed to deal with her parents. Although she hesitated, she managed to pull the gun from Dominic's grasp and take a few steps back. She regretfully raised the gun and pointed it at Dominic.
"Stay where you are," she said fiercely.
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 4:21:38 GMT -5
"Sorry, okay. I should have brought it up before now but it's hard for me to talk about things." He remained on his knees for the time being. Dominics eyes were now trained on the gun, rather that Lilith's eyes. "I don't ask you for help because...I don't even know. I'm so used to shutting myself off that I've forgotten how to open up to people."
Dominic lunged forward and grabbed for the gun but he misjudged the distance between the two of them and he ended up landing in a kneel in front of her, having been just a little too short to grab a hold of the barrel.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 4:31:07 GMT -5
Dark Lilith was shocked by Dominic's words. Somehow, he seemed more honest than usual.
He lunged for the gun and Lilith tensed up. However, he missed. He was kneeling before her. But for once...He was being so sincere and it didn't seem fair to have this conversation at gunpoint.
Before she could think about what she was doing, she released her grip on the gun and let it fall down to Dominic.
She was so stupefied by what she had done, her willing release of power, that she did not stoop to retrieve the pistol.
"It's not fair," she said simply. "We shouldn't be having this conversation like this. I've...I've always wanted you to talk to me like this but...Please don't stop. I need to talk to you. I..." She paused in wonder before continuing. "I gave up the gun so please let me speak with you now."
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 4:41:56 GMT -5
Dominic grabbed the gun as soon as it fell and activated the safety before stuffing it into the inside pocket of his coat. "What do you want to talk about?" He slowly got to his feet and put an arm around her before trying to guide her toward the front where Shawn and Will were waiting.
"How about the reason why live in a shell? You want to hear about that?" He would continue to gently try and guide her along without actually pushing her. "When we moved over here to the states I was in middle school. It's hard enough being the new kid but when I was the new kid from a different country everybody decided that I was to be made fun of. Somehow Shawn managed to win them over, but I never had any such luck. So I learned to be someone else." If his talking would keep her from going inside he would continue to talk.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 4:48:26 GMT -5
At first Dark Lilith followed Dominic's lead. She was just so stunned that he had put his arm around her and that he was actually divulging personal information that she thought about little else. However, after a moment she collected her thoughts and stood rooted to the spot.
She shook her head fiercely. "I'm not going to go inside. At least not yet," she promised. "But there are some things I need to tell you and I think...I'll become a coward if I leave this area. I'll convince myself I'm worrying about nothing and I won't...I won't be able to tell you and...I assume Shawn is here and I...I don't want to tell more than one person at a time. It would be too hard and..."
She grabbed Dominic in a hug. "Please listen without interrupting. Please listen to it all. If you can't take it at least pretend to until I'm finished. Otherwise...I'll certainly lose my nerve and..."
She released her grip on Dominic. "Sorry. I'm needy but you're not a huggy person. I apologize."
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 4:59:39 GMT -5
He stopped about a step after she had and turned to face her as he listened to what she had to say. When Shawn was mentioned he nodded. "Yeah, he's keeping watch out front. Will's around here somewhere too." He understood her request and while he was nervous to remain so close to the house he doubted that they were making enough noise to alert the two inside to their presence.
His eyes widened in surprise at the hug and he slowly returned it before patting her on the back gently. "Okay, I'll listen and I won't interrupt you but will you come with me afterwards?" Dominic pulled back a bit and looked down to her as she released him, ready to listen to whatever it was she needed to say.
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 5:31:45 GMT -5
Dark Lilith beamed. She was so happy that Dominic had finally hugged her! All this time, she had been hoping and finally it had happened!
She took a deep breath and looked up at Dominic. She would do her best to maintain eye contact. Although she was terrified of what would be reflected back in his eyes. Would it be horror? Terror? Pity? She couldn't take any of that but she...She should try to believe in him.
"I worry that I'm not actually a nice person. I was isolated for so long so I think I might just be so nice to everyone because I want to be loved. And I'm willing to risk myself for others so easily because a world of isolation and loneliness is not a world worth living in. I want people to care about me."
"I try not to hate anyone. I work so hard to repress my anger and my hatred. I want so much to be good but I can't help it. I feel no love or sympathy for my parents. I hate them so much it could kill me.
I worry I might end up being a monster just like them. I try not to think about but I constantly think about revenge. I want to kill them myself. But more than that I want to make them suffer. They...They hurt me so much. And...I want to repay that pain. I think about severing their fingers and stabbing them with knives and injecting arsenic into their systems! I want to push them down the stairs and twist their arms and lock them in dog cages and feed them rotten fruits and...I know revenge isn't a nice thought but I can't help it. Good people wouldn't think this but I'm consumed by anger and hatred every time I think of them.
And my brother...Sam. It was indirectly my fault that he died. I generally think of him fondly. I loved him because he was the kindest person to me but I also hate him because he rarely did anything to protect me. And he was loved and treated well. I was so jealous. He would occasionally give me a present but he knew how much they were beating me and he would never help.
I have an issue with hospitals because when he came home for break when he was a freshmen in college, he tried to take me to the hospital without my parents permission. They caught us first and Dad took me home. I was already so weak at the time that I don't really remember what he did to me. But ever since I haven't been able to set foot in a hospital without having a fit. Dad made it quite clear that I was being punished for attempting to go to the hospital and the conditioning stuck.
That weekend we went on a camping trip. Sam tried to talk about how my parents were treating me. Dad and Sam got into an argument and in a fit of anger Dad pushed him and he tumbled off a cliff. He..He died. The first and only person that had tried to protect me died. My parents were so sad and furious. They made it quite clear that it was my fault. And I believed them. I still feel guilty.
I'm generally a lot worse than I pretend to be. I say optimistic things I don't feel because I want people to be happy. And I don't want people to know how mentally disturbed I am.
I have a fit any time someone asks to borrow a pencil, any time I set foot in a hospital, any time I am reminded of my parents. I can't escape them. I always feel that they're watching me and are waiting for the right moment to take me back.
I hate myself because I'm so weak, because other people suffer because I can't properly protect myself.
And I do experience what I guess are types of delusions. Every time I'm fixated on something I just don't want to think about it I see this creepy floating bunny doll. It smiles and tells me that I just need to kill all the unwanted thoughts. And then a stake appears out of nowhere and...the bunny drives it into my brain and blood...blood splatters everywhere." She paled and couldn't help but stop for a moment. She stared at the ground, unable to meet his gaze.
She took another deep breath, forced herself to looking into his eyes and continued. "I have so many problems. Andreas was reluctant to take me to begin with. I know he cares about me but I think I'm too much for him to handle. And now he has a nice girlfriend that can take care of him. I think we're more suited as friends. He...I know he really doesn't want me anymore and I don't want to be a burden.
I don't think anyone will want me. I'm so messed up and I can't seek psychological aid. I told you why already. And really, people would just think I was lying for attention or exaggerating or being delusional. But I don't know how to improve. I really don't.
And I know it's selfish but I love you and Shawn very much. I always think about staying with you even though I know I would just cause you trouble. And I think that if I can't live with you I want to at least live near you.
And I hate that I can't help you. Both of you have always protected me but neither of you are honest with me. You try to act like everything's fine so I won't worry.
And I love you two so much but I have so much guilt. Shawn was shot because he came to save me. I was too scared to leave the house without permission. If I had met him somewhere, he wouldn't have nearly died.
And I know I did everything I could to save him. I gave up the recording, performed C.P.R. until the ambulance came, and promised to stay there without medical attention while Dad hit me but...That wasn't good enough. He really could have died.
And you...I'm sure you experienced what I felt when my brother died. You felt lost, confused, guilty, and incredibly sad.
Both of you have police records and...I love you so much so I can't believe I'm hurting you so badly." She couldn't help but cry when she was finished. Her tears fell silently but she couldn't repress them. And here she thought she wasn't a crybaby like Lilith but after everything she had said, how could Dominic not reject her? He probably hated her guts now. He would never want to see her again.
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 27, 2011 6:00:48 GMT -5
When she finished and began to cry Dominic could not help but yank her into a hug. He was not a physical person he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve the way that his brother did, but that did not mean that he would push away or ignore someone who needed him, especially after they had just poured out their soul to him. "I can't say that everything will get better and I cannot say that everything will be okay but we're here. Shawn's alive and I know for a fact that he would do it all again to get you out of there."
Dominic released the hug but kept an arm around her. "I think what needs to happen is for us to find you treatment. If you need anyone to vouch for you that your story is true you have Shawn and I who would both be more than happy to help. I know you don't want to be a burden to Andreas but he and his brother accepted the responsibility of caring for you. If he is not happy with that responsibility anymore that's his own problem."
Dominic would begin guiding her toward the front once again. "The best way for you to help us right now would be to help yourself. And you are not a burden. Yes we have both experienced some setbacks but there is not a thing out there that does not involve some level of risk. And honestly, if Shawn had not been such a knucklehead in trying to deal with your parents I don't think he would have gotten himself in the same situation."
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Level 26
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 2,402 posts
Wavemaster 120 HP/ 360 SP
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Post by Diclonana on Dec 27, 2011 15:39:14 GMT -5
Dark Lilith returned the hug timidly, acting as one in shock. She was so filled with bliss that she began to question if she really was the saner half. Was this a delusion or a hallucination? How could someone listen to her like that, hear all of the things she hated about herself and still accept her? If her other half couldn't accept her how could anyone in the world not loathe and disdain her? Her delusions had never been this positive but she did have to wonder. Was this a whole new level of snapping?
And Shawn would truly go through all that suffering again for her sake?! He knew that for a fact?! She appeared to glow. Could that really be true?
She laughed lightly about Shawn being a knucklehead. "It was really my fault all the way through. Almost no one had helped me before. When I asked for medical advice, I never thought he would try to come and take me to the hospital. And even if he wheedled it out of me, I was the one that relinquished my address. I still felt bad about hacking his account and I was really hurt so I wanted help and wasn't necessarily thinking clearly."
"So um...What about you Dominic?" she asked nervously. "Would you help me all over again? Do you...Do you blame me for what happened to Shawn?" "If you do that's perfectly understandable!" she added hastily.
She stopped moving, realizing that she hadn't exactly told Dominic everything like she promised. "Look, there is something else you should know," she said hesitantly. "You've noticed it, right? I'm not acting like I usually do, right?"
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Level 22
I joined on January 1970, I am a proud and I've made 1,815 posts
Twin Blade
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Post by Psy on Dec 28, 2011 5:12:24 GMT -5
"I don't blame you for what happened to him and he sure as hell doesn't blame you. If there is anyone to blame it's your parents for putting you in that sort of situation. And I also blame him, not because he tried to help you but because he didn't wait for me and he was a bonehead about how he went about it." He patted her on the back and ruffled up her hair a bit before sliding his hands into his pockets.
"I would have done it again, sure. It's not like I've lost anything and if it gives me the chance to eventually take them down then I have no regrets. Honestly I think the only one who blames you for what happened is you. It's understandable that you have some guilt over it but honestly it's not your fault." He glanced nervously up at the house and tried to keep her moving. It made him uneasy being too close to it.
"I've noticed but I figured you were just reaching a new stage in recovering from what you've been through." He looked down at her suspiciously and stopped for a second. "Please tell me you're not doing drugs."
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